Dear Clueless Cyberstalker Jonah Kirszenberg:
You seem to think a “bench trial” means “in-person.” No, John, not true. It means a trial by judge, and not jury. No jury will watch you weep like Amber Heard, nor hear about how you s*** the bed on this one. Moreover, when I spoke on the phone with the magistrate, I was the one who set that date and I requested (and was granted) a telephone appearance. So, stupid, you are wrong again. You used a quote from an action movie which makes me think you fancy yourself a “Jack Reacher” type of hero–talk about reaching! John, you’re petty and too stupid to win. This is bigger than this one suit. You have been a destructive presence and an enemy since 2017. You’re also a cowardly bitch who hid behind a cartoon you stole and trademarked. You really need help if you want to claim “emotional distress” when you engage in malicious prosecution, lying, libel, cyberstalking, and you run an online shaming site that doxes people. Everyone knows you’re a literal troll with green ooze coming out of your ears and swollen blue hemorrhoids that make you look, and walk, like a baboon. Go to hell. And soon, preferably. on a pitchfork at a beach adjacent to a lake of fire.